Involvement and Inconvenience

Is it awful to absolutely dread teaching a class of fourth graders that is only 40 minutes long but feels like 2 hours? I really wish I could enjoy it, but when the kids can’t keep their mouths shut for literally more than 30 seconds, I get so frustrated!!! It turns me into that mean teacher who is always in a bad mood and gives you lectures about how hard life is going to be for you later if you can’t be quiet or listen to what your teacher has to say for more than a minute. I don’t want to be the mean teacher, I want to be the fun sister from Walla Walla University that “came and taught us English and played with us.” But I find myself dreading class more and more and being that grouchy teacher who doesn't let you do anything fun. I don’t feel like they are learning anything because they can’t focus and they don’t follow along in their books. Most of them just stare at me and like I’m from some other planet, waiting for me to tell them they can go outside and play games or teach them a song. Maybe it’s good for me to see how hard it is to teach someone who doesn’t want to learn. I promise I’ll be an information thirsty student when I come home!! Sorry for the rant, but I had to get that off my chest.

“The good Samaritan defined the meaning of love. Love doesn’t look away. And it doesn’t walk away. It involves itself. It inconveniences itself. It indebts itself.” 

So I read a devotion from a super good book called 'Moments with the Savior' by Ken Gire this morning. It was titled “An Instructive Moment about Love” that told the story of the good Samaritan in a much more detailed way that gave me a pretty straight forward reminder of something I tend to forget. Love involves itself. Love inconveniences itself. I was complaining to myself about teaching, and then I read this and remembered that I’m not here to do what I want exactly and I shouldn't feel like I deserve to teach the older students who are much easier to handle. I am going to be inconvenienced if I am going to do anything effective. And if I want to show these kids anything, or teach them anything, I have to love them.  It may feel like I am not doing anything worthwhile during those agonizing 40 minutes that I try to keep them quiet while we get through one short story, but that’s what I have to do! I have to involve myself and inconvenience myself and have patience, not just walk away feeling flustered. I am telling myself that as long as at least one kid learns something (and I can think of that one, I even can picture where he sits, because he’s the only one who calls out any answers ha!), the time I spent, however frustrating, was beneficial. I just have to let it go. The kids who are going to learn, will learn. 

Outside of the classroom it’s good to remember that love inconvenience’s itself too. Sometimes I forget this and I only do nice things that I feel like doing for other people at the time, not the things that might take a little extra work or generosity. Or I complain about my situation, that I am paying for things that I shouldn't have to because I'm a "rich American" or I'm having my business poked into by someone who I don't feel deserves to know where I am every single evening at dinner time. I have to remember, I came here and stepped into a different world and here things are done differently. I am taken care of beyond what I could hope for. Some inconvenience can certainly be dealt with, especially when I am sharing the love I want to share! I think I’ll write this on a sticky note and put it under my bunk so I see it whenever I wake up. Love inconveniences itself!!! And I won't forget it.