Anxieties

You know you are getting comfortable when your Indian neighbor and roommate with rockstar hair decide to start a band together with a street purchased mini drum and guitar that needs tuning! 

Don't get me wrong, I'm having fun and making lots of memories! But sometimes I ask myself if I’m getting too comfortable.

“Most of our thoughts are centered on the money we want to make, the school we want to attend, the body we aspire to have, the spouse we want to marry, the kind of person we want to become… But the fact is that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it’s about eternity, and nothing compares with that.” – Francis Chan, Crazy Love

You would think that being in India, having this experience, living in a much simpler way, would make me realize that my relationship with God is all that matters. But even here, I find myself being stressed out about how much exercise I am doing, if I’m going to be super slow at biking when I go home, whether or not I am really learning something from this experience, or actually helping anyone, and even what is going to be different about home when I return. I feel this strange anxiety when I think about home or picture myself in America. Part of me can see my life carrying on just as it was before I left and it being a simple transition because everything will be left just as I remember it. But the other part of me feels anxious about talking to people, about sharing anything about India, because how to do you explain it without it sounding so repetitive and the same as every other SM story? I’m anxious because I feel like I wont be bale to talk easily with anyone I was ever close to. Even right now, I get this feeling when I log into skype or facebook and someone I know is online… I want to talk to them because I miss them! But I can’t make myself do it, because what am I going to say? It’s strange and I feel like I can’t relate. Like I no longer have anything in common, but how can this be possible when I am the same person. Am I too comfortable here in this mindset to go back to what I thought was 'normal' life? 

But in the end, the anxieties don’t even matter. It’s not about the person I want to become or about the body I want to have or the trendy relationships I want to build. It’s about my relationship with God. He has some plan for my life and I believe my life will work out this way… It doesn’t matter if I’m not as fit as I want to be or that I don’t exactly have as many close relationships with people as I wish I did, because in the end these things don’t matter at all! There’s a time for each of these things and I have my whole life ahead of me to master those. But I don’t have my whole life to begin working hard at my God relationship. That has to happen now…in every part of every day…

Every morning, I sit down with some tea, read some spiritual motivation, write in my journal, promise myself that I will include God in my daily activities, and then move on with my day. Why can't I seem to remember him in the other parts of my day? It's a good question, and I think the answer is hiding right underneath all my anxieties. I remember that my life is already planned, why worry? I simply need to let go.  

Valentines Sugar Cookies - Microwave HOW TO

I love food blogs, so I decided I'm going to start my own India version.

These Valentine cookies are soft and delicious and can make your V-day great no matter how far you are from home!

First, be sure to become a member of a really cool church who will send you a package with Trader Joe's sugar cookie mix. (If you are looking for one currently, I might make a recommendation for www.summitnorthwest.org)

Read the directions thoroughly on the package. Make a journey to the nearest village and go to several different shops to acquire each ingredient.

Return home and locate the nearest microwave oven (if a regular baking oven is unavailable of course). In a large bowl (or a cooking vessel if you don't have a large bowl), combine the cookie mix with butter and egg and mix well. If you don't have quite enough butter, like me, you may have to add a drop of oil to get the right consistency. No problem.

Next, borrow a roller from your neighbor and roll out the dough onto a flat surface. Use a knife or some pointy utensil to cut cool heart shapes into the dough. Or whatever other random shapes you would like. I encourage creativity at this point!

Finally, use a microwave safe plate, place the cookies a half inch apart and stick into the microwave. Cook on high power for 1 minute and 30 seconds (depending on your microwave of course) and VOILA! You have delicious quick baked sugar cookies. After cooling, squeeze on some of the packaged frosting that came in the box and spread on the humidified sprinkles that soaked up lots of moisture for a nice touch.

ENJOY!
Happy Valentines Day

Expectations

Expectations ruin relationships. When I expect something in return for something I’ve given, what does that say about me? That I’m selfish. This is what destroys happiness. A gift is not a gift when you expect something in return.

Christian hands never clasp

And He doesn’t give gifts for gain

Because a gift can never stop being a gift—

It is always meant to be given.

I am supposed to be Christ-like. God gives us gifts—of grace, joy, friendships, love, LIFE—so that we can serve the world and share them. The more thanks we give, the more He gives back to us, and we in turn should continue spreading it around! It’s supposed to be an endless cycle. “The way through the pain is to reach out to others in theirs.” That is how we are healed. We share ourselves and serve someone else, giving to them, and God heals us with happiness.

Why is this so hard? It’s hard for me, and it’s hard for others, which then makes the service even harder for both and THEN it becomes this backwards cycle that is going the opposite way God intended. Expectations kill happiness. It is hard to ignore selfishness because it makes the next person feel selfish, and then the selfishness just keeps multiplying until everyone is sitting around complaining to themselves! I want to make it stop. I can definitely say that I’m surprised by what the hardest part of my seven months in India really is. 

Adventure Number 2 (or it might be 236)

The last week has been full of adventures! My mom and Debbie Hayes arrived safely to the Kadapa train station where we picked them up last Monday night. We had a fun two days at school showing them around and introducing them to everyone. We ended up eating almost every meal at someone’s house. The first night we had dinner at our neighbors, Ramana and Chandu , where we ate some really good homecooked Indian food and sat on the floor. Of course there was way more food than any seven people could possibly eat, but it was good and Trevor and Sid had lots of left overs to eat while I was gone. The next morning was breakfast downstairs at the Headmasters house with Sunetta who also fed us a feast and continued to try and put more and more food onto their plates even though they were stuffed. Indian breakfast is very different from American breakfast, just throwing that out there! Ha! Then we had lunch at the principals house where, AGAIN, we were served enough food to feed an army. And finally, dinner at Vara and Prim’s were we ate like Sid, Trevor, and I usually do, family style around the table and every man for himself. But of course, they also made us a feast. It was fun to share our daily routines and house with Debbie and my mom. We even took them into town on a packed auto rickshaw (luckily we picked a guy who likes to pump his stereo system so they could have the full experience). We showed them our friends at the shops in town, the vegetable guy, the bakery guy, the twins at the cookie/soap/everything else random shop, and the pots/pans guy! It was fun, but may have been a little overwhelming. My mom and Debbie brought 500 toothbrushes in a duffle bag that were donated by Peach Orthodontics and at midweek prayer (vespers program on Wednesday nights) we did a tooth brushing demonstration and passed one out to every single kid. They were so excited. My mom told me that every single girl she handed a brush too said thank you. So THANK YOU Brenda, Carl, and Peach Orthodontics!

50 rs scarves - our favorite place!

Two days later, we were off to the Tirupati Airport (we opted for a taxi instead of the train) and headed for Delhi! Our trip was the golden triangle, Delhi-Agra-Jaipur with a tiger safari in Ranthambore on the way. We saw lots of cool stuff, some things I had seen in December, but others I didn’t have the opportunity to see! After our sight seeing in Delhi, I took my mom and Debbie to the area that Trevor, Sid, Evan and I had stayed in a very different part of town…we had fun running through the bazaar and getting good deals at the shops. It was exciting! Let’s just say that area caters to a different type of tourist. J I tried to find our favorite 50 cent chowmein street food guy, but had no luck. There is a possibility that my mom and Debbie will come back to the US and try to barter for their purchases at Walmart, but we’ll see…

We had the same driver the whole trip, his name was Krishna, and he was super cool! We made good friends with him and he took good care of the three blonde American ladies traveling India alone. We made it to Ranthambore National Park and got to see a tiger (people only see them 25% of the time) and stayed in a sweet tent. It was nice to get out into the country side. After the tiger adventure, we went on to Jaipur, which is still my favorite with its pink sandstone and the Amber Palace. We rode an elephant and a camel and before I knew it, I was back in Delhi getting on a plane bound for Tirupati, Andhra Pradesh!

Now I am sitting in the Tirupati Railway station with my good friend Ramana waiting for a train to Kadapa. After that we hop on one more bus and we’ll be back to school. I hope that Sid and Trevor have been coping ok without me…I’m sure they are starving… ;)

Jantar Mantar Observatory in Jaipur

I am blessed to have such a loving and caring mom and ‘auntie’ that would come over here to visit me and take me on such a cool trip! I am proud of them for conquering the crazy India traveling and the many stares…(especially three blonde white ladies ha!). They are both awesome travel partners and I am a lucky girl!

Can’t believe there are only three more months in India…time is flying. It cracks me up to see Ramana helping to carry my backpack which he slings over his shoulder backwards every single time, but it makes me sad when he says things like, "April 23, my brothers and sister going, my crying..." It makes me say MY CRYING TOO!!! (I might need an English speaking refresher course when I get back). I guess it's just a reminder to use time wisely and enjoy every second of it because this is a once in a lifetime experience.